This has always been one of my favorite pictures. Stephanie took it while she was staying with us for a few days and I have loved it ever since she sent it to me...such a sweet picture of Ivan and me - a mother holding and rocking her sleeping infant.
Just the other day, I was going through my photos in order to find a new picture to scrapbook. I pulled this one out to check the date and was struck by the true significance of the picture. It was taken the morning of September 12th, 2001...the day after the September 11th tragedies in America. The day after terrorists hijacked and flew airplanes into buildings, killing thousands. Realizing this changed the entire meaning of the picture. Now, it went beyond a peaceful moment between a mother and child and became a protective mother holding her baby close and safe. A vulnerable moment of innocence lost. As I stared at the photo, I started to remember what I was doing, feeling and thinking at this point in time.
After first seeing the news of what had happened in New York and Washington D.C., I couldn't pull myself away from the television. In fact, in the picture I am surely watching the 24 hour news coverage of the events...seeing the planes fly into the Trade Center towers over and over and over. Each time failing to believe my eyes.
Most of all, I remember feeling so scared. Scared for my family. Scared for Hannah, Donald and myself. Scared for my newborn son who hadn't even lived two months of his life yet. What was going to happen to our world? Were these innocent little lives going to be changed by these events? Were they going to get a chance to live their childhoods in the same way that Donald and I had...free from this sinister evil? Of course I was sad for the families that were immediately affected by September 11th. I couldn't begin to imagine that kind of pain. But I admit that I could hardly see past my own home and loved ones. I was consumed with questions that no one could answer and fears that no one could allay.
We were living in La Vernia at the time, a fairly remote little town outside of San Antonio. I remember walking outside and listening to the stillness. I looked up at the sky and thought that there was just no way something so deadly or evil could come near us - or could it? How were we all going to live with that type of fear?
Nearly two years has passed now since that day. Life definitely does go on...we have Jenelle in our family now. I don't think about September 11th very often, rightly or wrongly, and certainly don't spend much time wondering if and when another terrorist attack may happen. I find more and more that with motherhood, the opportunities for worry and concern come daily, so there is not much sense wasting a lot of time thinking about things I can't control. I am content to focus on what is important and real in my life today...my family.
Photo: September 12, 2001
Journaling: August 12, 2003